first, this.
and see, when randy posted that in our chat room, i lol’d heartily. i might even have a history of lol’ing heartily at this man. but for all my delighted mirthful laughter, part of me really feels a profound amount of pity for him. i was there, once. believing in god, believing that any kind of homosexuality was a sin, believing that if i just put enough faith in god that he’d make it okay and make those feelings go away. it’s a terrible, lonely place, and the feelings i battled during that time i wouldn’t, in all seriousness, wish on my worst enemy. one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life, on every level, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, was the day i decided that i couldn’t continue to believe in this god who seemed to have forsaken me.
but then, maybe it’s because of that experience that i find myself with so little sympathy for the disgraced mr. haggard. the sadness i felt after my own fall gave way to anger, bitterness and cynicism. maybe i’ve turned into something of a job’s wife, chanting “curse god and die” (the death, of course, being spiritual). but see, i think i can grant myself a little lenience here…i really don’t think that homosexuality is a sin, and it angers me to no end the number of lives that have been ruined or even ended because of religions drilling this belief into their followers’ skulls. how many unhappy marriages because one partner (or maybe even both) felt that pressure to marry someone of the opposite sex, how many suicides because someone else couldn’t live with the fact of who they were…and all for what? mass homophobia?
i hope mr. haggard finds some peace. but if he remains so ignorant and deluded as to believe that he’s anything but gay (or bi at best), then he never will find it. and i can’t promise i won’t continue to lol at his expense for it.
then there’s the facebook. it would appear to be the new hawtness among the locals, and there have been some pokings and proddings for sweetie and me to start an account. i’ve been hesitant…i don’t even keep up very well with maintaining my blog and visiting the blogs of my friends, and i already have failed attempts on livejournal, myspace and aetheri under my belt. but then i got an email today from one of the friends i feared i had lost because of my keep-in-touch suckitude. she wants me to make a facebook account.
maybe i should. as much as i dislike social networking sites, maybe i should.
meh. as i said to my mom last night, facebook is at its core little more than a contact list with pictures and comments. and with email alerts that tell you every time somebody says something to you, you don’t have to spend of lot of time keeping up with it.
i never look at fb unless i get an alert that i should. i figure it puts me in touch with people that i wouldn’t otherwise have on my radar (high school classmates/teachers, for example), but if somebody actually wants to talk to me, they’ll shoot me an email and we’ll chat like civilized people. my account exists pretty much just so i can see the pictures our fb-usin’ friends post.
i can’t speak to that lonely place, although i remember how hard it was to watch you walk that journey, and how much you struggled with it.
but at least mr. haggard doesn’t seem to have gone the “pray the gay away” route…maybe he just needs time to come to self-realization and peace outside of the trauma of being so publicly and brutally outed.
meh facebook is face book, i’ve had it since i dunno august maybe? and the only reason i started it was to keep up with coworkers i miss from the library… it has evolved since then as folks “discover” you on the network. but i wouldn’t really call it the hawtness, if anything it’s another thing i check periodically and you shouldn’t feel like you have to do anything. i’d rather read blog posts anyway
. it’s just another internet thing out there to get addicted to. I like that i can see friends and family on there and get a quick update sometimes, but that’s not a whole lot to it other than information, photos… kind of like an online address book.
I’m a little obsessed with Facebook. Especially the Scrabble part.
Oh, who am I kidding? I love the whole blasted thing.
scrabble is kinda fun. >.>
even though i keep getting nothing but vowels. >.<